PRESENTING (drum roll) IN THE RED CORNER (drum roll)

This week we launched our umpteenth upgrade to the website www.infotel.co.uk. This has been by far the most difficult, traumatic, exciting and awesome upgrade yet.

Because the IT guys have worked so long and hard and are still very, very traumatised I thought it might be a good idea to introduce and publicly humiliate, sorry old habits die hard, I mean publicly praise them.

First we have the dynamic duo Luke and Mark. They live together, but not, they assure me, in the biblical sense. Two single guys who share a bachelor pad. Luke is web designer and Mark web programmer and as the bulk of the work fell on their shoulders they are greatly relieved to have the upgrade under their belts so that they can now go off and enjoy their real passion, Glastonbury. Well done lads, and thanks.

Luke came to us straight from Grammar school. We have always given him free reign to be wild and mad, beaten him up a bit, and then somehow got what we really want out of him. Now that he is all grown up and a pretty big guy full of self-confidence we have had to stop the beatings! Drat!!

Mark did the University route and then came to us. He loves telling anyone and everyone that he can capture about nutrition and green stuff. To combat this you have to either yell at him to “ shut the fuck up” or walk away. He’s quite easy to manage really.

Then we have our two illegal immigrants (only kidding). Ed is a rangy American, ex US Navy and a wiz with systems and machines. At the moment he has a technical problem that is challenging but no-one gives a toss. He hates us. Robert is Polish and has recently had his second brain removed resulting in him wearing very odd headgear. Robert is also technical support and unfortunately his English is getting better. He now understands what we mean when we call him a mad foreign dog.

Huggy Bear Rob is database programmer. He has a cool easy charm. Like “how are you Rob” “I’ll tell you when you tell me what you want” or “Oh it’s you again! You’re a pain in the backside” “yes, Rob the pain in the backside that signs your wage cheque”. Despite his tetchiness I have to say that he is one of the nicest guys you could ever wish to meet and everyone loves him. And he is HUGELY, HUGELY talented.

And last, but not least, (more drum rolls) Ashley. What can I say about Ashley that doesn’t sound cringy. He has been with us, off and on, man and boy, since the beginning. He is our web meister, the genius who pretends to be a mere mortal, our inspiration and perspiration, through triumph and disaster. On a good day we venerate, worship and adore him. On a bad day hanging, drawing and quartering would be too good for him. We fall at your feet oh glorious one.

In closing I would like to say that we have a good HR policy within the IT Department at Infotel. They hate us, we bully and humiliate them. Well, it works for us!