A REAL MEAN MACHINE

Is the richest, meanest man in Surrey mending his ways at last? Today he declared “I've always had a hankering for a sundial - in the middle of our lawn (hoping it won't put the rabbits off). For instance: http://sun-dials.net/Equatorial%20dials.htm. I am trying to go down the path of minimising the inheritance, but don't seem as good at it as some people”.

My friend, you are quite right, you are not good at it. For sundials we are talking minimum spend. To emulate me you are going to have to raise your game somewhat. But personally I think you are past saving.

To illustrate his miserliness this is the man that said "Just paid £241 for his year's pet insurance. I may get another yellow Labrador and call him Tommy as well, so that I don't have to take out another lot of insurance!"

The man is obviously beyond help but, because he is a friend, I have offered to give him a crash course on how to squander money. I suspect he will have an apoplectic fit at the very thought of that and strike me off his list of friends.