I HAVE A NICE THING GOING WITH WAYNE

I have a nice little thing going with a friend of one of my grandsons. I give him a little bit of sponsorship money and he produces this. Not bad huh?

Last year he successfully raced a car, but now that he is to be a Dad (congratulations Wayne and Rachel) he has had to scale down his ambitions a bit. This is the type of cart that Lewis Hamilton used to drive before he became a Formula 1 driver – so there’s still scope to hit the big time yet Wayne. Good luck for this coming season.

My friend of the “Squirrel’s don’t walk” fame (It’s hard to be positive in an insane world) was sadly in Weymouth to attend a funeral.

She wrote:-

“B…. chose, some time ago, to have two black horses and a carriage to take her to meet her Maker. As arranged, two black horses, a carriage and a bio-degradable coffin turned up at the house and off we set, empty hearse in front, followed by the two black horses and carriage carrying B…. in her bio degradable coffin, a funeral car and then Dad and me in my car - hazard warning light flashing.

The route took us through Weymouth, a 50-minute drive and occasionally we would be "infiltrated" by an embarrassed motorist who would quickly get out of the way. At the first roundabout there was a sign directing us to the crematorium. The empty hearse correctly took this turning but the horses, carriage and B…. had been "infiltrated and didn't notice the hearse had turned off and they incorrectly took the next turning.

Realising their mistake the men in black on the carriage gestured wildly for the rest of us to follow the empty hearse. Too late for the funeral car which had already committed to following the carriage. So we now had two funeral possessions meandering their way through Weymouth creating traffic havoc.

I correctly follow the empty hearse all round Weymouth until we eventually stop at the crematorium where we waited patiently for the two black horses, carriage and B.... to find us again, having first negotiated the complexities of the Weymouth by-pass. Oh, how she must have laughed at us.

When we were finally all in the correct place the funeral guys said to all gathered "Come and say hello to the boys, (“The boys” being the horses) they are all hot and sweaty now and we need to get them back to the stables". So there we all are stroking and oohing and aaahing over these two wonderful but by now very smelly ponies whilst B... is still lying there patiently in her bio-degradable waiting to pass on to the next life.

It was at that point that something close to hysteria overcame us all and by the time we walked into the crematorium this little band of men and women was grinning broadly (I even got a couple of laughs with my Eulogy). At the end of it we said what a damned good going it had been. She was there, and she just loved it.

Remember this for me when I pass on - I want to be mis-guided down the wrong route by a group of hysterical people - just as my life has always been!!!!!!"

I think we can arrange that for you dear.

I then got to wondering why she always seems to have such exhilerating and wacky experiences and it occurred to me that another type of personality would have only seen the tragedy in this situation, but she saw the funny side of it. There must be a moral in here somewhere.