OH, BABY, BABY YOU'RE A WILD ONE

TUESDAY 25/08/2009

Recently a local lady died in a car crash and her photograph was on the front page of our local paper. Unfortunately she happened to look like me and now I sometimes get strange looks when I’m out and about.

My friend, JeanGenius, had obviously not seen the newspaper and was bemused when she was offered the sincere condolences of the staff at our regular eatery. Imagine their shock when I walked through the door. They were pleased to see me, but, I should add, not pleased enough to offer me a free lunch!

This week our little man Noah, the youngest member of the family, is in the joint care of Nanny Kim and me, with Grandad Phil and OG in attendance whilst his primary family is away on holiday. He is the cutest 7 mmonth old perfect baby and a pleasure to have. We all love him to bits.

And finally …..two elderly gentlemen from a retirement home were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:

'Stan, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains.. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?

Stan says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'

'Really? Like a newborn baby!?'

'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

IS THIS COMMON SENSE, OR AM I MAD?

I read in the paper this week that the National Health Service loses 10.7 working days a year per employee due to sickness compared to 6.4 in the private sector. This equates to a total of 10.3 million working days a year. The union states that the findings were being "twisted" into an attack on NHS staff. Oh yeh?!

More alarming statistic are that public sector employee numbers have risen by over 100% since this government came to power and that taxpayers owe them an astonishing £1.12trillion in pension payments. This is equal to about 80 per cent of everything made, sold or traded in the UK every year.

This has to stop Mr Brown/Mandelson. I'm not very bright, but even I can work that one out.

And finally ... they called it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken

SWING THAT BY ME AGAIN?

OG and I just spent a very pleasant week in Switzerland with our two great grandaughters. It had been our intention to view new build chalets in the Valais but that proved to be impossible with two lively little girls in tow, so practically every day was spent at the swimming pool. No hardship there though! This particular pool is a series of natural 32C mineral pools and very child friendly.

Switzerland has no concept of "Health & Safety". The children are left free to roam and enjoy. Imagine a slide like this in England!



And this suspension bridge is over a 750M gouge. To give you an idea of how scary that is it's like slinging a suspension bridge between two structures more than twice as tall as the eiffel tower with a raging torrent running in the valley far below. Added to the fear factor is the sensation of terror you feel as it sways in the wind and rocks from side to side as you walk. We thought that it would be a great scary experience for the girls. It was, but scared? Nah. They deliberately rocked the bloody thing, howling with laughter as OG and I clung on for dear life.



And then we did a very silly thing. We re-visited Villar, the area where we used to live and fell in love with it all over again. Unfortunately it is a very expensive area and way, way beyond our reach unless we care to take out a mortgage again, which we have no intentions of doing.

Now the plan is to do nothing until next spring for various reasons including-

1. We should know more about the status of OG's cancer. He goes for another CT scan this month, with results on 4th September. I must say that he hasn't been feeling too great and is not extremely optimistic at the moment, although he looks very well.

2. The house renovations and a commitment that I have will be finished, giving us more time to sanzy doodle about.

3. Maybe our flat in Scotland will sell giving us the additional funds to afford an apartment in Villars again.

When I first mooted this as an idea the two girls got over excited at the prospect of another visit to the Alps in Spring. They don't quite get the concept of us needing to be child free so that we can concentrate on the task in hand. To them every day is an adventure. They absolutely love it there and have never forgiven us to selling our apartment.

And finally .... this comes compliments of DogLover -

The Highest Human Position In The World

Do you know who holds the highest position in the world?

President Barack Obama? Nope. Pope Benedict? Nope. The Dalai Lama? Nope.

Do you want to know WHO that person is? It's Babu Sassi, a fearless young man from southern India, and the cult hero of Dubai 's army of construction workers.

Known as the "Indian on the top of the world", Babu is the crane operator at the world's tallest building, the 819-meter burj dubai (http://www.burjdubai.com/ which, incidentally, is just a tad higher than the suspension bridge that we were on.

His office, the cramped crane cab perched on top of the Burj, is also his home.
It takes too long to come down to the ground each day to make it worthwhile - although, when the building is completed, its elevators will be the world's fastest.

Stories about his daily dalliance with death are discussed in revered terms by Dubai 's workers. Some say he has been up there for more than a year, others whisper that he's paid 30,000 dirhams ($8,168) a month compared with the average wage of 800 dirhams a month.

But everyone agrees, he's worth it - because nobody else would have the courage to do the job!

BABY'S FIRST SWIM

Proud mum and dad take baby for his first
swim at Nanny Sara's weekend pool party.



Equally proud sisters, uncles and aunts gather around
to cheer on Baby Noah's great achievement



While great-grandad OG tries to slope off in
case someone tries to drag him into the pool



"Get in that house and wash up Grandad Seth."
"Oh, Nanny Sara, do I have to?"



While others held their breaths, yawned and
tried to act nonchelant in case she demanded
they help him too.





And finally ...A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty you're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste"

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump.”

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodelling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said: "Who f*cked up your hair?"