ULTRASOUND AND LAB REPORTS

OG has been feeling very unwell for a couple of weeks, suffering pain in his back, pain and weakness in his legs, bowel disfunction (to be polite) and a general lack of mojo. Our GP arranged a hip X-ray to investigate the back pain, blood tests for the mojo thing and the oncologist arranged a bone scan. Thankfully the bone scan uncovered nothing sinister, but the blood test showed an abnormal liver function. This, together with the fact that he has an enlarged lymph gland adjacent to his liver, the back pain, the poo problem and lack of energy, has rung warning bells.

He said that although these symptoms could relate to other problems like gall stones, in his opinion this is low on his list of possibilities. The most likely cause is a blocked bile duct and he has arranged a ultrasound tomorrow with a follow up consultation next Friday.

In relation to his driving licence being renewed I meant to say that one night a few weeks ago some bastard stole his bike from the garage. At that time this was his only means of self transportation. When your luck is out, it's really out isn't it? But that was then. This is now. New licence. Yeh!! All we wait for now is for his health to improve.

And finally …"I'm very sorry," said the vet, "but your duck is dead. That'll be £15". "That can’t be true, it's my favourite duck. I want a second opinion".

The vet sighed, went out and came back with a cat. The cat went over to the duck and sniffed it and then turned round with a miserable look on its face and said: "It's dead". "But I wanted a proper report," said the woman, "It's my favourite duck".

The vet sighed again and went out, coming back with a Labrador. The Labrador looked at the duck, sniffed and sighed - "It's dead".

"But that's ridiculous," said the woman. "No, it's not, that will be £150, madam," replied the vet. "What on earth for?" she cried. The vet said, "Well, I arranged for a CAT scan and a Lab Report and these things cost money, you know".
Boom! Boom!