THIS IS A GREAT COUNTRY

Having visited many of the great capital cities in the world I was recently asked which city I like the most.  I didn't have to think too hard about that.  It's London.  Why?  Well I love the architecture, history, parks, museums, art gallaries, theatres etc. but most of all I love the people. 

There is a myth that Londoners are unfriendly but I have always found this to be totally untrue.  This week on TV they showed a clip of a London Bus Driver which just about summed this up for me.  He had a bushy black beard and my guess is that, culturally, he came from a middle eastern or Indian background.  In a broad cockney accent he said "This geaser got on the bus the other day screaming that we were all going to hell.  I told him "no we ain't going to hell mate, we're going to Illford".  Multi-cultural, integrated, humourous and friendly, this is the great stuff that our capital city is made of.

Talking of London. Didn't we have a great joyful happening yesterday?!  The birth of a new Prince.  Isn't it funny how such an event can lift all our spirits?  After all, the Royal Family isn't my family or your family but like most of the country we all seem to feel "connected".  Why is that I wonder?  Sorry, I get a bit philosophical at times. I guess it's just old age.  And if your spirits weren't lifted, you're an old commudgion! 

IT SURE FEELS BETTER WHEN THE SUN SHINES

I remember a few years ago there was talk of the Gulf Stream moving. It is, as the name suggests, a stream  of warm water the wends its way North East (is that the right direction?) from the Gulf of Mexico and hits us smack in the side (it's actually a bit more complicated than that, but I'm not a scientist!)  This is why it is so important to our climate in the UK.  If it keeps to the same path or moves North we stay warm but if it moves South it completely misses us and we get cold, wet and very, very miserable. Well, guess what, a few years ago it moved South and we have had the most horrendous summers - until a few weeks ago when it moved North again and, low and behold, we got warm again! 

Hopefully, now it has had a little look around down South it will decide to stay with us because, in my very humble opinion, this is one of the most beautiful places on earth and when the sun shines it's truly magnificent.  

So, having given an excellent natural history lesson, here are a few more things to contemplate on:-

As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realised that at my age I don't really give a rat's ass anymore because:  

.. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.  

.. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.  

.. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while  

 

 .. A tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it  lives for 150 years.  

 

And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so. Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do,  And the eyesight to tell the difference because now that I'm older I figure that: 

1.    I started out with nothing, and I still have most of  it.  

2.    My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.   

3.    I  finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.   

4.    Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.  

5.    Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.   

6.    If all is not lost, then where the heck is it ?   

7.    It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.  

8.    Some days, you're the top dog, some days you're the hydrant.   

9.    I wish the buck really did stop here, I sure could use a few of them.   

10.  Kids in the back seat cause accidents. 

11.  Accidents in the back seat cause kids. 

12.  It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.   

13.  The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.  

14.  If I were supposed to be able to touch my toes, they’d be on my knees.  

15.  When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.   

16.  It's not hard to meet expenses . . .   They're everywhere. 

17.  The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.  

18.  These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter... I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here after."  

19.  Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.  

20. HAVE I SAID THAT BEFORE? 

WHAT MAKES 100%?

 

AT LAST, THE ROOF TRUSSES ARE GOING ON TO NEW HOUSE!

What makes 100%? and what about the people who say they are giving more than 100%? How can that be? How, for example, can you achieve 103%?

 

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

 

If:                         ABCDEFGH I JKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

 

Is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5  6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

 

Then         H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K is 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And          K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E is 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96
But           A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E is 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And          B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T is 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
Finally      A-S-S  K-I-S-S-I-N-G is 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

 

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while hard work and knowledge will get you close, and attitude will get you there its the bullshit and ass kissing that will put you over the top.

 

Now you know why some people are where they are!